This is a comprehensive listing of the awards I've won for my graphics/icons, which can be found at prism_perfect.

( ...maybe walking down the aisle. )

This is a comprehensive list of the nominations and awards for my fanfiction, which can be found at cold_fiction.

( ...always the bridesmaid, never the bride. )

Since I'm on va-cay right now I've been looking around for stuff to occupy my time. Spending alot of time wandering Hulu and Crackle and a couple other sites.

Caught a couple episodes of V.I.P. on Hulu which made me remember how much I used to like that show. Yes, it was stupid. Yes, it was cheesy. It was entertaining, though, you have to admit that much.

In other notes...

I need someone to make decisions for me!

Poll #1425295 Prompt Me!
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Which Teen Titans drabble prompts should I write next?

Which Paire drabble prompts should I write next?

I've got two 100-drabble tables that I DO want to finish, I just can't seem to find the motivation.

For no reason at all, I decided to play with my webcam and take some pictures of myself. I know some of you don't know what I look like...so...here's your chance.

( It's ME! No, really. It is. I'm serious. Yes. Me. Exactly. Yep. Me. No make-up, no digital touch-up. Just me. Early-morning me, at that. )

So, I finished the anime Ghost Hunt, right?

I so totally love it. It's got some of the best creepiness I've ever seen in an anime. You literally do get tweaked out by the ghosts. And the score is absolutely perfect.

That's not the point of this post, that's just minor rec'ing for those interested in anime (watch the sub'ed on HULU, or you can get it dub'ed on FUNimation's site).

The point is, while watching the show I was a total Naru/Mai shipper.

However, I just read a fanfic called "Shades of Lust" and...well...it changed my OTP.

I'm now totally a Mai/Lin shipper.

It was the weirdest thing.

Has anyone ever had that happen? You read or saw something that changed your OTP COMPLETELY and IRREVOCABLY?

(BTW, *points to icon*, yes, I am making icons for that series. WUT?)

(Also, finally got around to re-doing my journal and deleting lots of people from my f-list. Deal with it. I've created a short-list of people for my "friends-only" posts, a restriction that prolly won't be used too often, but just in case, you know?)

So.

I just got a speeding ticket.

For doing 63 in a 45 mph-zone.

In a construction zone.

THAT FUCKING COP CLOCKED ME COMING OFF A 45 DEGREE HILL. I WAS BRAKING BUT I COULDN'T BRAKE THAT HARD OR RISK LOCKING UP MY BRAKES.

SO.

I have some monstrous fines coming my way.

And I am working hard...very hard...very very hard at remaining calm about this. I have two months to come up with the money, I am getting a lawyer, and I am not going to have a panic attack.

Nope. No, sirree. No panic attacks.

I will most likely be sleeping with my Gizmo tonight. Truefax.

ETA: Dad called his lawyer and talked to him so now I've got a lawyer. I have to get him some more information but Dad says the guy thinks he can get this down to a parking ticket and driving school. I hope, Hope, HOPE that is how this works out. I've still got a couple of months before my court date so there's some time to figure everything out.

I'm trying to encourage a little f-list participation here, and I do so by poking at you.

Ganked from timewaslost.

Anonymous Meme: Pick 10 7 5 people from your flist and make statements of what you would like to say to them. Don't reveal who they are.

1) I like you, but we don't actually interact that much. We're into alot of the same things, books and tv and music, but your politics make me weary of getting any closer than casual friends. You're a modern conservative to my extreme liberal socialist. I recognize the differences between us, and don't bring them up because I'm pretty sure you don't realize how very different we are in this aspect.

2) Did you buy True Blood Season One...or did you five-finger discount it?

3) I like responding to your posts because when I go to post half the entries are in Italian and for some reason that amuses me and makes me feel tiny, which is a good thing because I have an ego problem.

4) Since I've left the fandom where we first met we don't talk as much. Basically, not at all. I'd like to say I miss you, but truthfully we were never really close. We were an embodiment of "Enemy of my enemy is my friend" and we bonded in war. I think maybe I miss the war, but at the same time leaving it made me better (than them, which is important to the elitest in me).

5) You're my person. Even when we don't talk for days you're my person. Always my person. All-encompassingly my person.

I know who these people are...but do YOU?

I started it with Heroes, but I'm gonna continue it with True Blood (because it's becoming as thought-orgasm inducing as Heroes used to be).

( My thought-by-thought review... )

*sighs heavily and visualizes all the dark energy being expelled from body and mind* Let's move on from yesterday.

I recently finished updating one of my favorite memes (just because it gives me the opportunity to shop for icons) and just want to remind everyone that I've still got plenty of room for more entries!

"You're the THIS to my THAT!" - ( Updated Results Page )

On that note, I will be going through and deleting alot of people from my f-list today. I'm also contemplating major changes to my journal layout again. I'm thinking of becoming partially friends-locked, in that all personal entries would be f-locked, but all fandom or generalized entries wouldn't. Really, for no other reason than the fact that I'm an elitist bitch. I'd, of course, have to make a banner to go with the new status and journal, but I can't do that until I decide the new color scheme/journal title.

I've had the urge lately to do small banners featuring excerpts from my favorite books. Just throwing it out there.

Also, I'm so absolutely in love with my new default icon. I mades it for tw_epicontest and I lurve it (though it didn't win anything, fans are stupid).

Note to self: Make more icons. Maybe do some writing. BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY.

Note to self (2): Stop watching the anime "Ghost Hunt" it's addictive.

I've been doing alot of thinking the past couple of days and I've come to a rather disturbing realization.

I've always thought that by not indulging in the petty vices of my family that I would avoid the destructive cycle of addiction that is perpetuated on both sides, but I think I may have just started a different cycle.

Let me break it down for you... On my mother's side, besides a history of mental illness, we also all have compulsory personalities. I used to describe them as "addictive personalities" but that implies a different conotation than what I see. People don't get addicted to us, we get addicted to everything. Drugs, alcohol, sex, abuse, people; you name it and someone in my family is addicted to it. I do mean, literally, every single person linked to me by blood has some sort of addiction. It's for that reason, having lived my entire life watching people be too weak to restrain themselves from the things they "love" that I have always avoided those things. I'm a teetotaller, I don't drink, do drugs, or smoke. I won't deny having tried those things, any girl my age has, but every single experience only put me more off those very things. I hated having my mind become something not my own, thoughts forming without prodding, actions carried out with thought. I prided myself on my control. I always have. It made me gravely precocious, mature far too much for my age, but it was a sacrifice I made. I controlled my body, I controlled my emotions, I controlled my mind. Sometimes I did willingly let that control lapse to try and be "normal" but the rhythm of my life has always been a regulated one.

This is where I think I made the mistake, however. I think I may have become addicted to control. When I'm not in control I have adverse physical reactions. My friend in high school, Rachel, used to become very disturbed by how very disturbed I was by crying. I didn't like people crying around me and I definitely couldn't handle myself crying. I've grown more comfortable with that side of my nature, but in high school I was very deep into self control and couldn't handle anything I viewed as weakness. Requiring control in your life isn't neccesarily a bad thing, I just think I may have clung too tightly to it.

Taking my environment during childhood into account, wanting control isn't a surprise. It's a common reaction for people who view a certain personality or trait in a negative light to purposely develop themselves in the opposite spectrum. When you add in my "experiences" in childhood, the sexual abuse I suffered, I think it pushed my own addiction to that control to a higher level. Some of you I've spoken to about this, others are new, and still others I haven't told. It was never truly "bad". Mild encounters, all of them, but I think the repeated nature of them, however mild, are what imprinted on me most. It wasn't one man, wasn't two, it was three different men at three different times of my life. Being a small girl, so very vulnerable and completely without control in those situations, with no way to take control...I think it's damaged something inside my mind and I don't think it can be fixed. ( A wee bit more exposition... )

I'm a 21 year old virgin who has never dated, and the only kissing I've done has been non-consensual. I don't feel attraction to people, men or women, I can't form connections with people without some form of barrier between us. For most of my friendships, that barrier is the internet. In real life, the barrier is work. I don't have friends outside of work and trying to cross that wall only makes me uncomfortable. I like things in my life seperate, it's another way for me to control the situation. To place people in categories because when I've got them pushed into those boxes they can't escape.

I'm slowly starting to realize that just maybe I really do need help. Maybe I should somehow find the money and seek professional help. I get so angry sometimes, and it's not a fiery anger, it's a fluttery panicky anger. My default mood is angry and sullen. Sometimes I think it's my form of depression, and that maybe I'm manic depressive. I don't think I'm bipolar because that implies mood swings when this is more a mood I wallow in for weeks at a time. It's times like that that I get to thinking about my past and the adult I'm becoming.

I want you all to understand this. I am not ashamed of the way of I am. I am the product of my childhood, my circumstances and my family. I am the way I am because they made me what I am. I try very hard, every day, to accept myself because I'm the only person I can ever truly have. My problems, my personality, my body, my mind; it's under my control and no one else's.

There's a quote by Ghandi, I wear it on a thumb-ring, that says "No one can hurt me without my permission". That's my approach to life these days. They can't hurt me anymore, but at the same time, the wounds inflicted aren't healing.

I'm a little too pensive today.

It's sending me to a dark, numb place.

"Broken girls and boys love to play with broken toys."

It is weird that I identify as the broken toy in that statement?

( True Blood SPOILAHS TO DEATH! )

Now that the squee is over...

Has anyone been watching Royal Pains or Burn Notice? They iz the shizits, and I needs someone to EGADS! with about them.

I ganked this from runawaystarling, who I was totally gonna ship with Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, but decided to appeal to her better nature instead and threw Ferris at her.


❝who do you ship me with?❞


Be as random and covered in awesome sauce as you'd like.

Now that I've finally gotten the program I like to use to mess around with graphics on my new laptop, guess what I can't stop doing? MAKING ICONS, YES, THAT'S RIGHT.

I've got entries in all three of my icon-contests and I've started a small side project.

The small side project ties into my new show that I love...Eureka. It's on Sci-Fi (SyFy, lawl) and I recently caught an episode and realized what a strange little show it is, but strange in a GOOD way. It almost seems a little kitschy, but the writers aren't afraid to do the "hard" things like kill people or have people get injured. It's got a shiny veneer but a steely underbelly, yes?

Anyways, I found myself adoring the character Jo on it so of course I had to make icons.

In writings news, I don't know if anyone has noticed but I've been writing more lately. I think my problem was that I got out of the habit and I'm trying to pick it up agian. Icon making is all well and fun, but WRITING is my first love. I want to do it more because I'm a good writer, damnit. I'm not overestimating my abilities, I'm not a particularly great writer, but I'm good, you know? I think if I could ever get up the energy to do it I'd make a fairly decent romantice/sci-fi writer (it is the genre du jour).

In that same track, I really find myself wanting to write some ficlets set in Charlaine Harris' Harper Connelly series. I desperately want a look inside Tolliver's head and there is no fanfic for it as yet so I'm just going to have to write it.

And yes, there would be smut involved.

And yes, it is the vaguely 'cesty series.

And yes, it is my kink. Not a real life kink, mind you, but it is my fandom!kink.

I see it everywhere. (Hellboy 2, Supernatural, Heroes, X-Men...etc.)

My head hurts, I must take a shower, and go to work tonight, and oh, btw, the icons I made? WERE PRETTY FUCKING AWESOME.

I'm currently ignoring my obligations, both real and online, so...more memes.

Tagged by 00mina.

1. Reply to this post and I'll assign you a letter.
2. List (and upload, if you feel like it) 5 songs that start with that letter.
3. Post them to your journal with these instructions.

She gave me the letter "H". (Why do I suddenly feel like I'm back on Sesame Street?)

Anyways, my utterly random selections!

1) "Hello, My Name Is Your TV" -Ludo
2) "Hoodoo" -Muse
3) "Happy Home" -Garbage
4) "Have A Little Faith In Me" -Mandy Moore
5) "Hints" -Jose Gonzalez

I didn't upload any of these but I can if someone would like.

So, I've been catching up on the first season of the The Cleaner (on A&E) and I'm almost done with the season...and who randomly shows up but JACKSON RATHBONE. I TOTALLY SQUEED IN FRONT OF MY NANA.

Yeah, I'm bad. I adores him, I can't help it.

Stolen from dragonydreams.

1. Pick one of my fics (cold_fiction) and pick out a sentence or two from one of my stories. Complete sentences, please; give me a sporting chance here.
2. Post that sentence in a comment here. I will respond with which story of mine I think it's from. If I catch myself cheating, I will be very cross with myself.
3. If you stump me, I will...maybe, possibly, honor a prompt that you give me.

P.S. Dude, I have so many stories and drabbles I've written I'm pretty sure y'all might stump me easily. Buuuuuut, on the other hand, I have a great memory for my stories.