Peep-Billie glows.

Good news, bad news, no news...

So, a bit of news, I'm getting a new job.

As in already got.

I start in two weeks! It's at a different bank, and by all appearances, this should be good for me. I'll be make a little bit more money (a difference of about two or three grand a year) and working less hours/better hours. Forty a week, but no more working until seven, or on the weekends. It's also at a bigger bank, so if I want to move up in the company, it would be easier. If I wanted to move and go to a different place, it would be easier.

This should be a good thing...but I'm scared.

I know that I can do this job, it's very very similar to what I do at the bank I'm at now. It's actually going to be LESS responsibility, because I'm not going to have to do so much sales. No more high pressure from management to get this and get that, improve this and raise our ratios with that.

Yet...still scared.

What if I do bad? What if this is a mistake? What if they don't like me? I built the team I have now, but I'm walking into an already established team here. I'm going to have to build respect with them and confidence, something I already have with my team.

I'm starting brand new.

I know this is something I can do though. And what is like without a little risk? This could be really good for me.

(Still nervous.)
Peep-Billie glows.

Beautiful lady, I've got your baby...

I've got your fire...

I bought a car. It's a 2012 VW Beetle. I like it. It's the nicest thing I've ever owned. And someone has already scratched it. *head/desk* (I'm not angry, I'm sad. Why can't I have nice things too?)

Nana is healing, though it is stressful for everyone. She's having some problems with depression right now since she can't really do anything, and when people in my family get depressed we lash out. We come off as very angry and mean, and dealing with that is stressing me the frak out right now. She's not bad all the time, but there are times when I want to just walk away.

This has been a big year for me. New house, new car, new promotion; car accident, heart stint for Nana, work stress for me. It's been up and down, again and again. I've weathered it, but it's been hard. I'm hoping next year is more even.

I've already decided my new year resolution is going to be not to use my credit cards. I tend to get myself in trouble near the end of the year, so I want to avoid that this year by living strictly on my budget. (I know I might have to use them for emergencies but I'm resolved to have it ONLY be for emergencies.)

Has anyone else decided what their resolutions will be?
Peep-Billie glows.

This is pleasant. */sarcasm*

Shopping for a car is a pain in the butt.

On the one hand, all the dealerships are eager to work with you.

On the other hand, that's because they're out to steal your moneys.

I found a 2010 Ford Focus I really liked...but it's five grand more than I wanted to pay. Then again, I'm getting financed anyway, so what does it matter?

Have I ever mentioned that I hate debt? I really do. I hate having this big weight hovering over my head. This accident was just bad timing all around, however. I have no choice. I have no savings (thanks, Dad!), no viable trade-in, nothing. So it's a loan or no car and we can't go without a second car. It's only been a week and I want to throttle my selfish jack-ass of a brother.

Peep-Billie glows.

No news is...bad news.

Collapse )

This guy (no license, no insurance, no plates) made an illegal u-turn but didn't see us driving along side him so he slammed right into us. I was braking, he was not. Hit Nana's side of the car and she is hurt really bad. Nothing life threatening, but very painful. She has staples in her head and a broken arm. I've sprained my elbow and both my wrists, but for the most part I'm fine. Car is totaled, though, which sucks because I have no savings and no money right now for a new car.

(Long story short, my dad was arrested for a DWI a few months ago and I had to clean out my savings to put towards his bail. It was only $500, but it was all I had.)

It's going to be difficult to manage getting to work, but I'll make it work. I think once I do have a car of my own again, I'll get a second job to catch up on bills and build my savings back up.

In the meantime, Nana needs a lot of help. She broke her dominant arm so she can't do much of anything right now. She's in so much pain and so uncomfortable too. She's never broken a bone before like this so this is new for all of us. I'm trying to help as much as I can, but with my arms hurt I can't help lift her or move her like she needs. My family is helping as much as they can, but hopefully my arms heal quickly so I don't have to worry and try to get someone here for her.

She just doesn't understand that it's going to hurt. It's not going to go away. She's going to be hurting and uncomfortable while it heals but she doesn't understand. She wants me to take her back to the hospital so she can be on morphine but they're not going to keep giving it to her. She needs to start coping now. Bad enough they're giving her vicodin.

At the same time, I'm feeling guilty. I know the accident wasn't my fault, but this is something I can't fix and I hate that. I'm responsible for taking care of her and I can't do that right now. I can't do much of anything right now.
Peep-Billie glows.


Hello, all!

I know I really don't come here too often anymore, and if I do I just lurk about my friends' posts about personal lives. I get my fandom fix on tumblr, so I really just come here to catch up with you all.

And in the spirit...

Even if we don't talk, I adore you all. I read what's going on, and even if I don't comment, be assured I'm listening.

If you should need me...I'll be there.
Peep-Billie glows.

I'll be around...

I'm not normally one for family gatherings in the best of circumstances and moods, but today was not only my Nana's (whom I live with) birthday, but also my other grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary.

I don't spend alot of time with my father's side of the family, and last time I saw them was a few week's ago for my Uncle Elmer's funeral (brain cancer) so maybe it was a touch of guilt but I decided to go. I took dessert too because I've been attempting to learn to cook lately, which basically consists of following the recips TO THE FRAKKING LETTER. Back on point, like as soon as I walk in, my Grandma (who has lost alot of weight since my Paw-Paw took this last turn for the worse) looks and goes "Oh, you decided to join the family?" Though not as mean as it sounds? Ha!

I've never really sought out that side of the family because my entire life I was never comfortable with them. Yes, this was partly my fault. I was raised in my mother's family, so when that term is used, that's who I think of. These are people that I share blood with but no actual history. There are no cute stories of bonding, no actual knowledge of who we are as people. I never clicked with them and they never understood me. I tolerated them when I was younger, and when I was older, I made the choice to not see them. The thing is, in hindsight, I didn't understand them either. I didn't make the effort to really know and love them because I felt certain they would reject me (and actually did a few times). I put the wall there and was glad when no one tried to scale it.

They're not bad people, for the most fault. All of them pushy and opinionated and with their own psychological problems, much like anyone. I can see some of them in me and it makes it easier for me to be around them now, though it's still not comfortable.

I don't think I ever told you that my grandmother on my father's side is deaf? She can talk because it happened later in life, but before recent years actually talking to her was difficult because she had to read your lips and I never could really talk to her because of it. I didn't know to make sure I was always facing her when we spoke. She has some hearing now because of an aid she recently had implanted and it makes things alot easier. She and I sat in the kitchen and talked a bit and she told me a story about her grandparents and it kind of struck me that I do love my grandparents. I don't know them and they don't know me, but there is a basic connection there. I came from these people. I have the loud brash anger the entire family is famous for, and I have my Grandma's quietness. I am an amalgram of all the facets of everyone that came before, put together in new and interesting ways.

She was telling me the story of how her grandparents came from the old country at the turn of the century when they were ten or eleven, and she never knew if the name on their papers was the true one. She suspected it wasn't because whenever she'd ask her grandparents about it, they wouldn't tell her and would just start talking to each other in German, which she didn't understand. My immediate thought was "Oh, crap, I'm descended from Nazis," but she actually thought it was the opposite and that they were Jewish and escaped here. Though the timelines don't quite line up, since they'd come over from 1900-1905 sometime. Still...things I didn't know and makes me regret a little that I didn't make more of an effort to be around them. If not my aunts and uncles and numerous cousins (because that's really who I barely tolerate), but at least maybe my grandparents.

It was one of those things where I kind've got lost in the shuffle, though. They had dozens of grandchildren and...I was one of many. Another face in the crowd, LOL.
Doctor Who-colors of the rainbow.

(no subject)

I'm kind of throwing my work balls into the air and waiting to see where they fall. I'm fed up with my incompetent manager, don't like the direction our company is taking us, and though I'm afraid of moving somewhere else...I'm willing to take the risk. Putting out some applications and seeing if I get any bites. Won't truly go aggressive until I feel like I have to escape ASAP.

Loving my shows, lately, though I'm unsure how I feel about Vampire Diaries and The Originals. Should I watch?

I've had a lot of recommendations for me to watch Arrow. My only real objection is Katie Cassidy. I'm sure she's a lovely person (I'm just saying this so I don't seem hateful), but I do not think she is talented. Every role I've ever seen her in (from Gossip Girl to Supernatural to movies) has been grating for me. What say ye?